I’ve been wanting to get in the Bible and really dive deep; to learn and study it for myself but I didn’t know where to start. I was doing some online Bible study with someone but God showed me that that wasn’t it. He wants me to make this thing personal. Every time I thought about it, the word trust kept coming up so I decided to start there. I went to the concordance and the first scripture mentioned was,
“He has put His trust in God; let God rescue Him now – if He wants Him! For He said, “I am God’s Son”. (Matthew 27:43, CSB)
I was like okay. Say more. I remembered in Dr. Matthew Stevenson’s sermon, “The Battle for the Bible”, he said that we should read the Bible with a dictionary so I got my phone out and went to Google. As I read each definition tears started running down my face. Imagine the Holy Spirit used the dictionary to minister to me. Wow!
- firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something
I could hear God saying, “I’m that someone, I’m that something. Do you believe in Me?
- acceptance of the truth of a statement without evidence or investigation
“Do you accept my Word for what it is?”
- the state of being responsible for someone or something
“I am responsible for you. You are my child!”
2. Law- an arrangement whereby a person (a trustee) holds property as its nominal owner for the good of one or more beneficiaries
“You belong to Me. Your life is in my hands and every part of it would be used for the benefit of the Kingdom”.
- believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of
“Do you trust Me?
- allow someone to have, use, or look after (someone or something of importance or value) with confidence
“Trust Me with your life. I’ve got this!”
- commit (someone or something) to the safekeeping of
“Will you fully surrender?”
- have confidence; hope (used as a polite formula in conversation)
“I trust that you will let Me you use”.
- have faith or confidence
“Do you have faith in Me?”
- place reliance on (luck, fate, or something else over which one has little control)
“You’re not lucky, you’re loved! I love you! Rely on Me! Place your trust in Me! Forget about what you thought!”
So after I was done crying I went back to the scripture and it hit differently. The passage where the scripture comes from is describing what is happening to Jesus while He was on the cross. People were passing by and taunting and insulting Him because of His beliefs and who He said He was.
For those who remember, I had really believed that God would restore my marriage because I felt like He told me that back in 2016. I’ve since discovered that it was my flesh all along (but that’s a story for another time). Now that I’m divorced, I’ve been having a hard time believing when I hear a word from God. The enemy tries to use that situation to taunt me and cast doubt on everything. He’s like, “You really believe this will happen for you? Remember what happened the last time you believed? You ended up looking like a fool because the marriage still ended”.
The scripture reminded me that even though those people taunted Jesus, He still trusted in God. He may have died on the cross that day but He rose from the dead three days later! Hallelujah! So my marriage may have ended but my life has just begun! And just like some people still don’t believe that Jesus rose from the dead because they can’t see Him. Some people could look at my life and not believe that I’m doing better than ever because they can’t see it.
I have never felt such freedom and peace before! I have never felt so comfortable with and such confidence in, who I am before! I am able to say no to people and things and not feel guilty about it! I am able to take risk and put myself out there and not feel defeated or like a failure if things don’t go how I expected.
Am I disappointed that my marriage ended? Sure! But I know that God used this situation to bring me closer to Him so that He can show me who I am and what He created me for. 2019 I was told to BE and now I AM! I am who He created me to be…my true self! So next year I will Trust Him because I know he has so much in store for me!
If I can offer a word of advice for 2020 and beyond, to anyone reading this, it would be to get to know God so that you can get to know yourself! Only the Creator can tell you about His creation!
Just Doing My Father’s Work!