Dating? What’s That?

Is there some sort of manual on how to be during and after a divorce? Are there rules and regulations for when you should start dating or even when you can start being interested in other people? How do you even date after a divorce? How do you date period? Before I got married I just always had a boyfriend, I never really dated multiple men at the same time. From the time I realized that I liked you and we were communicating on a regular, that was it. You were my ‘boyfriend’ and I would not entertain any other man as long as I was connected to you.

But right now I feel like I should enjoy life and singleness; meet new people and just have fun (within reason of course because I’m all about doing this the right way, so no sex). But at the same time, I don’t have time to waste on things or people that are not contributing to my purpose or adding value to my life. I want companionship, to build something with someone and do purpose with him. So how does one do both? Can one do both? Should one do both?

Like I said in my Future Husband post (Dear Future Husband Introduction), I have been communicating regularly with someone from my past. We reconnected when I went home for vacation and I totally was not expecting it. I was like God is that you? I had not spoken to this person in about 11 years and we had one conversation and all these feelings came rushing back. I was like what the hell is this? It even inspired me to write this poem called “Who Sent You”:

When past becomes present and possibly future
I’m left with the question, who sent you?
When feelings long forgotten come bubbling over
I’m left with the question, who sent you?
When plans in the making have the possibility of changing
I’m left with the question, who sent you?
When celibacy’s the goal but there’s burning desire
I’m left with the question, who sent you?
When my daughter is questioning me about who you are
I’m left with the question, who sent you?
When I never saw this coming but I’m glad that it did
I’m left with the question, who sent you?
When the ideals align and the vision does too
I’m left with the question, who sent you?
When you don’t believe in coincidence but this seems too good to be true
You ask the question, who sent you?
God, if it wasn’t you then please help me get through
But if it is, then Hallelujah and Thank You!

That poem and the first part of this post was written months ago so at this point I’ve kind of already figured out that situation. I won’t say that my old friend was sent by the devil to distract me nor would I say that God sent him to be my future husband either. What I would say is that his ‘resurrection’ was necessary and part of my growth process.

Him coming back into my life gave me the opportunity to have some serious and interesting conversations with my daughter. Folks I was not expecting the reaction I received from her. That child was big mad that I ‘liked’ someone else and I was giving him so much attention. She was even asking me if we were going to get married etc and I was like pump those breaks missy! This made me realize that maybe I was doing too much and maybe I needed to pump MY brakes! And thanks be to God, I did!

Even before the resurrection of the ex, I was really attracted to another guy and I had no idea if the feeling was mutual. Your girl was stalking this man’s social media like crazy and finding all types of reasons to text him. I felt as though it was getting too out of hand so I did the only thing I knew would help, I prayed about it. I asked God to remove the feelings and sure enough He did. I’m not saying that I don’t find him attractive anymore, what I’m saying is that I’m no longer consumed with thoughts of him and I’m not trying to get his attention. During my crazed period I saw this meme Screenshot_20190704-081324_Instagram.jpgand I strongly believe that God used it to get my attention!

I said all of this to say, I don’t know the answers to the questions posed at the beginning of this post but what I do know is that God is faithful. He was with me during my marriage, my separation and my divorce so I know for sure He will be with me in this single season. I’ve done the Pray for Your Future Spouse Challenge and I’m enrolled in TOU so I believe I’m off to a good start and I’ll be more than prepared when it’s actually time for me to ‘date’ again.

If you’re single and you want to date God’s way, I strongly recommend that you look into TOU. By the time you read this the enrollment period may be closed but you could start by following @marriedandyoung on Facebook and Instagram. They post encouraging content for singles and they announce when they are having challenges etc. For my fellow divorcees @theroadtobecomingone is a great page to follow also; it’s run by a couple (both previously married), who recently got married and now have a blended family. They go live weekly and discuss topics that are specifically geared towards divorcees and co parents.

Listen, I’m so grateful that God has led me to these various people/ resources because I could not do this alone. The good news is that you don’t have to either and that’s why I’m sharing this information. I’ll end with this:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5‭-‬6 NKJV

Just doing My Father’s work!

Crowned Papillon

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