We’re all on the beach when I see Jennifer sneaking back to the house so I follow her to make sure she’s okay and to confirm my suspicions. I’ve been on several road trips with her and she has never gotten motion sickness. In addition, I heard her going back and forth, multiple times to the bathroom to vomit this morning so I think she might be pregnant.
I get to the house just in time to hold her hair back as she plunged towards the toilet.
“Are you okay love?” I ask when she comes up for air. “Is there something you want to tell me?”
“Oh Lani! How did you know?”
“Girl! First of all, you’ve never had motion sickness on road trips before. Secondly, you know I’ve lived with older cousins who have kids now. And most importantly, you’re my girl, I must know when something’s up with you!”
“Did you tell any of the other girls?”
“Of course not! I wanted to speak to you first”.
“Oh God! What am I going to do? I don’t believe in abortions but I have to finish school!”
“And you will! You know your mom loves you and you know we got your back! I’ll be your resident baby sitter”.
She laughs and gives me a look as if to say, have you forgotten something, so I add,
“Well at least when I’m in the country. Have you told Ryan?”
We leave the bathroom and walk into the kitchen. Jennifer sits at the island and I head to the fridge to get us both some water.
“Nope. I didn’t want to say anything unless I was one hundred percent sure. I haven’t even taken a test or seen a doctor”.
“Ok. We’ll get that done as soon as we get back to civilization. Do you think you will still be able to enjoy the weekend?”
“Yea. I guess so. Now that I don’t have to carry this secret alone I think I can relax a bit”.
We hug and head back outside to the rest of the group.
“Is she okay?”
Ray and I are off by ourselves in the water when he asked that question.
I kind of mentioned my suspicions to him last night while we were having pillow talk. Hey. I know what you are thinking but I did not lie to my friend, she asked if I told any of the other girls, which I didn’t so don’t judge me!
“Yep. But I was right. I was half hoping that I was wrong though. Jennifer is such a go-getter and a hustler with such a bright future ahead of her. I really hope that this pregnancy does not get in the way of her goals.”
“They won’t Kay. Jen’s a big girl. Having a baby is not the end of the world”
“I guess you would know huh?” I snap.
His words must have triggered me because it made me remember the fact that he has a baby on the way with another woman. I remembered the letter that I was planning to give to him on the day that I found out about the pregnancy.
Ray, I love you. I want to give us another chance. I don’t want to go away and for four years be wondering WHAT IF? Holding on to the little I could remember from what we had. I’m ready to go to my granny and tell her how it is but I’m not going to take the risk alone and in vain. I need to know that you want this as badly as I do.
I remembered going home, ripping up the letter and crying all night. I remembered the hurt and I remembered swearing that I would never give him the opportunity to hurt me again.
So what am I doing here? The thought comes to my head.
“I need to lay down”, I say wading away from him back to the shore.
“Did I say something wrong”, he shouts after me but I continue and don’t look back.