“Oh my gosh Kailani, you’re such a whore. You went from the Virgin Mary to the Woman at the Well real quick. From no sex, to sex with two men in the space of 24 hours.“
It’s the next day and I can’t bring myself to get out of bed. The ‘good’ me and the ‘bad’ me are having a conversation in my head.
“So what now? What am I going to do? Who am I going to choose?”
“Really? Is that even a question? Of course you’re going to choose Ray!”
“But what am I going to say to Jason?”
“Just tell him you realize that this relationship is not going to work because you guys just met and there’s really no history or substance to hold on to across the seas. There is no reason to even mention Ray”.
“But what if he sees us together?”
“Girl you don’t need to explain yourself to him!”
“You’re right but I feel so bad!”
“You’ll get over it! You’ll be gone soon and wouldn’t even remember his last name. Wait! What is his last name?”
“I don’t even know your last name Jason. What kind of relationship is this really?”
I’m attempting to break up with him but he just keeps finding reasons why not to. Some of them even had me reconsidering briefly. So far he’s said that the long distance will deepen our relationship because we will really get to know each other through the deep meaningful conversations we will have. He also mentioned having a Visa and me visiting. He mentioned him being abstinent for 2 years prior to us having sex to assure me he could be faithful and then he said,
“‘I’m the only man you’ve slept with so I know I don’t have to worry about you babe!” I almost choked!
As of two days ago maybe. But not uh… I think to myself
“Jason. Please. You’re making this really hard on me”.
“I can’t help it Empress. It’s because I love you so much”.
Did this negro just say he loved me? Dude. It’s been a month. You can’t possibly be using the L word already. I’m in my head again.
You love me? Really? Was the sex that good? Can someone say RED FLAG?
“My Queen. Did you hear what I said?” His voice snaps me back to reality.
“Jason. I did and that’s the problem. I don’t have those feelings for you. I’m in love with someone else”.
“Who? The ex that broke your heart? The one who’s about to be a daddy?”
His words stung but I couldn’t let him know that so I retorted,
“For your information we don’t know that it’s his child for sure! And so what if it’s him?”
“You know what? Forget you then! I really thought you were different but you’re just like all those other whores who don’t know a good man when they see one! Just leave!
Wow that escalated pretty quickly. I am thinking as I make my way to the door. I’m not sure exactly what I was expecting because I did just break up with him but did he have to call me a whore though? Am I a whore?
“Oh God! What am I doing?”
Silence.
I really wasn’t expecting a response from God and part of me didn’t want one because I was finally getting what I wanted!
Crowned Papillon 