Papillon Papers- Page 3

“Do you still love me?” Ray asks.

I’m sitting at the edge of his bed staring off into space while he watches me from the bathroom. He called me just as I was leaving the mall and asked me to come to his house to talk.

“What does it matter now anyway Ray? I’m not the one who is having a baby with someone else!”

“The two have nothing to do with each other Kay”.

I love when he calls me that. Everyone else calls me by my name or Lani or some variation of it. The first time he said it, I damn near melted. He told me that I was the Kay to his Ray. I know, super corny, but it meant the world to me.

You see, Ray was the first person to ever really see me. He is seven years older than me and I’m not sure if that has anything to do with it but he really took time to get to know me. We would have these deep conversations about spirituality and politics and books and music and movies! Just about anything! And he would teach me things and explain things to me, which I loved by the way, but sometimes I also felt too much like I was his child. And that my friends, is why we aren’t together now but there is no denying that we have a very strong connection that I can’t seem to shake.

“Either you love me or you don’t. This girl is having my baby but I don’t love her. I love you and I always will! Shit just happens”.

“Yea I know. Shit happened last night and this morning with Jason”, I snap back.

“What? What are you saying Kay? Wait. Who the hell is Jason?” He’s sitting next to me now. Glaring at me.

I get up and walk towards the bedroom door.

“I’m leaving. I’m not about to do this with you Ray”.

“Do what Kay? I just asked you a question. Why are you getting upset?”

He’s standing in front of the door now, looking at me with puppy dog eyes.

“Kay. What are you saying? Did you…?” His voice softens and his eyes glisten. “Please tell me you did not lose your virginity to some random joker”.

“He isn’t random. We’ve been together about a month now”, I reply in my brat voice.

“Kay! I can’t believe this shit! Are you being for real right now? How could you? It would’ve hurt a whole lot less if you said it was Michael or even that other joker you were with after me! At least you knew them longer!

He’s pacing back and forth in front of me while I’m standing by the door. I walk out the bedroom and I’m almost at the front door when he grabs me by the hand.

“I’m sorry for yelling Kay. Can we just talk about this?” He’s leading me back to the bedroom and I let him, without saying a word.

“Listen I know I hurt you. But trust me, it was never my intention to get this girl pregnant. It was a mistake and I’m sorry. I’m not even with her anymore. I asked you to come here tonight to tell you that I’m ready to get serious. I’m tired of playing games with you. I understand that I’m going to be a father and that might make things a little difficult for you. But I’m asking you to give us a chance”.

“Ray. Have you lost your mind? Where is all of this coming from all of a sudden? Have you forgotten that I’m going to migrate in a few weeks?”

“And that’s exactly why I’m doing this now. I realize that I could potentially lose you forever and I don’t want to take that chance. I want to spend every minute of the next few weeks with you. I’m willing to do the long distance thing. I can get a Visa to come visit and I know you’re going to visit too. I’ll call you every day. I’ll send you emails. Kay. Please! Tell me you’ll at least think about it”.

Tears are running down my face now. I’m filled with so many conflicting emotions. I’m ecstatic because I’ve been waiting to hear these words for so long but at the same time I’m mad as hell because he took so damn long. I just gave my most precious gift to a man I just met because I was mad at him and the day after I give it up, he’s telling me he’s ready to be serious! You mean to tell me that if I had waited 24 more hours, I could have been with the man I’ve always wanted to be with! God is really funny sometimes. I swear!

I’m still crying when he asks, “Are those happy tears?”

He comes over, kisses me on the forehead, apologizes for all the hurt he’s put me through and I just about melt into his arms! The next thing I know, we’re making out on his bed and then everything becomes a blur. The last thing I remember is him removing his shirt.


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