Crowned Papillon

In September 2015 when my husband and I decided to separate I was convinced that I was going to get a ‘do over’, a chance to do things the right way, the way God intended, with Him first! I was so convinced that I even wrote a prayer for what I was looking for. Little did I know, God had different plans! He was going to give me a ‘do over’ but not in the way I expected but the devil also had plans of his own!

I moved out of the home I shared with my husband in the beginning of December 2015 and like three weeks later one of my exes resurfaced. At that time my ex had been separated from his wife for about a year so we connected on that level and were telling ourselves that we were just going to be friends. We talked on the phone several times a day and we even had dinner and hung out another time and just talked. The problem was that there was still a strong physical attraction between us but I had vowed to be celibate until I got married again. In addition, I had said that I wanted to be with a man who put God above all else. But up comes Mr. Ex and I started to reconsider. You see how the devil think he’s slick! But God!

December 30th 2015 comes and I sit down to write my goals/resolutions for 2016 and out of nowhere the very last thing I felt compelled to write was “Leave Mr. Ex alone”. My hands started shaking and I actually felt sick, like instant headache and nausea! It took me about a minute to actually write it on the paper because I couldn’t believe what I was being told to do. I was like “Lord why would you do this to me. I’m having so much fun. He’s got a lot going for him now. He’s matured so much. I need him to get me through this time in my life, he’s going through the same things. Blah, blah blah”.  But God wasn’t hearing it.

I didn’t obey and was still talking to this guy and I even told him that I was feeling like things were moving too fast for me. It was like I had been on a diet from him (we broke up in 2006) and was now binge eating. I told him about my revelation and he said that he understood but in the same breath we discussed a whole bunch of different interpretations of what God could have meant by “Leave him alone”. We eventually decided that we will tone it down a bit and only talk maybe once or twice a day. That didn’t quite work so God had to show up again!

Jan 5th 2016 and my friend sends me the link for the 30 Day Man Fast and the first thing it says is “Discontinue contact…..especially if you know God has given you signs…”. My friend had no idea what was going on with me but she said that she felt like she had to send it to me and she couldn’t understand why. Now if that was not God speaking, then I don’t know what is. I completed the fast and up to this day I have not spoken to Mr. Ex but God still was not done yet!

Jan 20th 2016 I was lead to read 1 Peter 3:1-2, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the Word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives”. And I’m like huh? Lord why did you make me read this? You can’t seriously want me to get back with this man! And I felt like God actually started speaking to me. He told me to stop being so mean to my husband and that I should still show him love even if I’m not ‘with him’ and not to file for a divorce. Seriously?

By the beginning of April 2016 I started imagining myself getting back with my husband and was getting mad with myself and God because I was confused and no longer knew what I wanted or even what God wanted for me. I quickly got my answer while I was on a retreat. During one of the services the preacher spoke about “Reclaiming Your Promise” and she used Sarah’s story from Genesis 18. She said that sometimes we do things to lengthen the process because we get impatient and we forget God’s promise over our lives. She said that like Sarah, we sometimes create our own mistresses (see Dear Side Chick, Thank You!) but we can’t allow those things or people to steal our blessings. And then she said, “Go back, try again and this time you can’t quit” and I just lost it! I fell on my face crying and I knew God was speaking to me!

After that experience I felt confident that my husband and I would get back together right away but again God had different plans! He still had a lot of work left to do on both of us! Fast forward to November 2017,  we are still not ‘officially’ back together but we are well on our way there because God is faithful! His plans may not be our plans but His is always better! Stay encouraged!

In May 2016 I revamped the prayer that I wrote at the time of our separation in September 2015 and I want to share it with you guys:

I pray that I can help my husband meet his spiritual needs and that we can grow in faith together. I want to look at him and know that God is in him and working on him. I pray that he can understand who I am and appreciate every part of me. I pray that he comes to love the Lord and want to live in his purpose. I pray that my husband understands eventually that we are not living for this world and can see a higher purpose. I pray that he can be a shining example for our kids. I pray that he could love me like God loves me and walk with me on this journey. I want to grow old with him! I know that he loves our daughter and I pray that he becomes the type of husband he wants her to marry. I pray that he comes to know the amazing potential he has inside of him and aspires to do his best. I pray that I can be the wife that God wants me to be for him and the wife that he needs me to be. I pray that I can be everything for him that I would like him to be for me. I pray that we can do this marriage together and know that we are a team. I pray that we can bring out the best in each other and help each other fulfill our destines and find God’s purpose for our lives. I know that God wants so much more for us and I pray for the patience and understanding to wait on His perfect timing. In Jesus’ name. Amen!

Just doing my Father’s work

Crowned Papillon!