I’m going to share a poem called ‘Dear Side Chick’, that I started writing at the end of 2016 and finished in August 2017 but before I post it, I have something to say.
I started writing the poem from an angry place and that’s why it took so long for me to finish it. I was filled with so much rage for Sister Fren because she at one time made the statement that she feels like God sent her to my husband because I was such a horrible wife. I was like how dare you bring God into your sin! How dare you call yourself a Christian! I wanted to embarrass her on social media and had all sorts of vengeful thoughts. But God!
He has really done so much work on me and my heart and I am ever so grateful for everything that has happened. I came to the realization that although God may not have sent her for my husband, He allowed the situation to happen because He needed to do some work in me. He showed me that I was indeed a horrible wife. From the outside it appeared that I was the perfect wife and mother but I wasn’t being the wife MY husband needed me to be or the wife God created me to be.
God needed me to humble myself. I was walking around thinking I was ‘better than’ and that I ‘deserved better’ because I knew God and my husband was this ‘heinous sinner’. I had to learn that, though I may know Christ, I am not Christ and had no right to pass judgment on my husband, or anyone else for that matter.
I also had to learn that marriage is a partnership. We are no longer two, but one flesh (Mark 10:8). Much of my anger and resentment for my husband came from me thinking, ‘well he’s not doing this for me or he’s not making me happy so why should I make him happy?’ I didn’t realize until later that I was fighting against my husband and ultimately my marriage, my family, my legacy and most importantly God’s plan. And that’s exactly what the devil wanted.
The more I thought about what I wanted and my needs and how much more I deserved, the closer Sister Fren got to my husband. Because, of course, they were friends first but the devil was able to use that friendship to push his agenda (steal, kill and destroy, John 10:10). (And that is why I believe that married folks should not have friends of the opposite sex, who are not also friends with their spouses, but that’s a discussion for a whole other blog post!) The nail in the coffin however, was me telling my husband, the man that I love, that he was not the man that I wanted!
I didn’t know at the time, and it was not my intention at all, but those words totally destroyed my husband’s ego, his manhood, his everything! When I said it, I did mean it, because that’s how I was feeling at the time but it was not meant to hurt him. I was kind of half hoping he would say, “you know what babe, you are right, I can do much better by you and because I love you so much, I will!” So delusional!
The problem with my fantasy was that, I did not know that Sister Fren was over there making my husband feel like a king, the best thing that ever happened to her! So as mad as I was at her, I cannot blame her totally for where I’m at in my marriage right now. I am even somewhat grateful to her because this situation has made me into a better, stronger, more aware, woman and wife.
So to the wives out there, please be aware of what’s going on in your marriage. You have to remember that when you made your vows, you made them to God first. You must have a relationship with God and an understanding that His will is above everything else and you may not always get what you want or what you think you deserve, when you want it, but He has “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). So if you feel like your husband is not meeting your needs, take it to God. Let Him deal with your husband and don’t stop praying until He does something. Keep doing what you’re called to do as a wife or else there will be a sister fren just waiting to do it for you!
And to Sister Fren and others out there like you, if you truly believe in God (even if you don’t), know that he will NEVER send you someone else’s husband. He wants only the best for you! He wants you to be first (after Him, of course) in someone’s life! He created you with a plan in mind, for a purpose, and it’s not to be someone’s side chick! He does not want you to be giving your all to someone who can only give you some of them! He does not want you sitting around wasting your life, waiting for someone to leave their wife for you! He has a husband out there for you that belongs only to you! Someone for you to spend your life with and help you build your dreams! Know your worth Sister Fren! You are fearfully and wonderfully made in our Father’s image! We serve a forgiving God! All you have to do is surrender and let Him love you and give you the life He already has planned for you!
Just doing my Father’s work!
P.S – Look out for the poem in a separate post!